Currently at Jurong (( the only place where I feel super comfortable apart from home )). 18 more days till chinese os. Wow. Time flies really fast. & soon we will be graduating and going for prom. wow. We have all grown so fast. Or at least I did. I realised that I've changed so much physically and emotionally. I know I have not been blogging all those emotional shits and stuff in my new blog, but I guess , its time for one. I just stalked my old blog . (( www.dandeliondream-s.blogspot.com )) In case you don't know , its a blog where I literally rant a lot. Some of them makes so much sense and some of them is just purely rants and attacking people. I guess , I was really insecure and immature back then. I would'nt lie , part of me is still immature and insecure , its kind of in me. My previous blogs holds so much memories and reminds me how much I grew , hence I decided not to delete it but keep it unseen in my blogs. But I just exposed it in my new blog so lmao. For your entertainment you may go look at how I use to blog.
Anyway , not only did I stalk my blog , I stalked my facebook. & realised I missed so many people in my life. From my primary school friends , to those people I meet in camps and those people whom used to be in the same class as me. I wouldnt lie , I missed most of them. All of them helped shape who I'm today. Be it good or bad , they all played a part. I guess, I don't have much time in HS right now & I should really make the best of out everything when I'm here. But I really don't really know how. What if one day when we graduate , we see each other in the streets, will we ever say hi? (( I asked my bff this & she was like I will only reply you if you reply me ))
Every group of friends I know will always make the same promise whenever we part , be it GYLS , camp explorer, Marist boys , 1E3/2E3 peeps , " We must meet up again , we will be friends forever. " But do we all fulfill our promises? These are all empty promises , we will be active on whatsapp , chatting daily and slowly , we will lose connection , everyone leaving the group one by one. & I know it is going to happen when I graduate from HS. Everyone will leave and I will make new friends when I enter a new school and so will the other people I know. But I kind of hope that never happens. Everytime it breaks me to say goodbye.
I remembered on the last day of GYLS, I cried My heart out because these people really changed me for the past 5 days. I wasn't as upset as I was when I was in a newer class with new people because majority of 2E3'12 is going in the same class as me which wasnt that hard. but the thing now is that I'm in sec4 this year which is my grauating year , it really time I should make the best out of everything because if not now , then when? I remmebered when I was in sec 3 , there was a period of time I kind of lose most of my friends. Which includes my best friend. I kind of did not know why, I blamed the people around me . But I guess part of it is my fault. But I would'nt lie , it was extremely hard breaking when they all left without a word. It made me feel super confused and doubtful. It was like hell. I didn't manage to eat well. It was like they were so nice to me and all and one day, they just vanished. The pain was really unbearable. I felt so lost. And then I met a bunch of friends. It didnt work out. We quarreled a couple of times, I guess our personality dont match and I dont really feel comfortable with them , I guess, but they are really nice people I have to say. & during that period of time I lose another bff of mine over some punny. lmao. Okay this , I admit it was my fault, because I was in that 'new clique' I didnt have time for her. Actually , I guess one of the main reasons why my two bffs left me was because I didn't have enough time for them because I was really too busy with some other stuff and I really did not know how to sort of my time.
After awhile , I had no idea how we all got back together again. To be honest, I'm still kind of doubtful because its like you are gone and then you come back like nothing had happened. (( okay I'm sorry if any of you see this but its kind of the truth... )) Nevertheless, I'm happy everything is fine and everyone is happy . Just that I kind of want to know why you choose to come back.............
Since everything is back to norm, I guess I should really cherish what I have now. I feel that I'm kind of blessed to be loved by the people around me. Or at least most of them. I don't really dare to rant much to people (( mainly because I'm stilll doubtful and confused, Im sorry D: )) & also sometimes I feel annoyed with myself for being upset with the same old thing again and again. Maybe , I should just really hopefully be happy. (( hopefully )) Even tho I'm blogging in a new blog now , my insecurity disposition still hasnt changed.
Below are some pictures of people whom I really missed or at least those that I'm glad are in my life right now. #throwbacksunday (( I got most of them from my old blog ))
“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”
― Lois Lowry, The Giver
xx
